Good day, beautiful.

This one is for my moms.

Before you read another word, I want you to pause and give yourself a round of applause… because honey you’re doing it. You are trying. And those babies? They see you.

I know we get caught up in the idea of what a “good mom” is supposed to look like. The picture-perfect version. The Pinterest version. The social media version.

But listen, honey…

If your babies are safe, healthy, cared for, and loved you are already doing an amazing job.

It does not have to look like anyone else’s version of motherhood.

And that was something I had to learn the hard way.

I used to think being a “good mom” meant taking my kids to extravagant places, creating magical moments all the time, cooking five-star meals every night…

But reality?

I work two jobs.

Some nights… it’s spaghetti.

And guess what? That’s okay.

Because being a good mom is not about perfection it’s about presence.

And truthfully? The only people whose opinion should matter about your motherhood… are your kids.

But here’s the part I had to face:

Somewhere in trying to be everything for my kids… I stopped showing up for myself.

Taking care of yourself as a mom?

It’s always the first thing to get pushed to the back burner.

It becomes this constant mental battle:
“I gotta do this for the kids.”
“I need to handle that.”
“Let me make sure they’re good first.”

And if you’re working, managing a home, maybe even a relationship?

That to-do list in your head never stops.

Even when you do have support… it can still feel hard to slow down and choose yourself.

And I think part of the problem is we make self-care feel too big.

We think it has to look like:
Working out five days a week
Eating perfectly healthy
Reading, journaling, socializing, healing… all at once

It becomes overwhelming before we even start.

For me, I realized I was so focused on being a “perfect mom”… that I wasn’t pouring into myself at all.

And we’ve all heard the saying about pouring from an empty cup, right?

So I won’t go too deep into it but I will say this:

You cannot consistently show up for others if you are not showing up for yourself.

Eventually, you will run dry.

And when that happens… it shows up as irritability, burnout, isolation, snapping at the people you love, emotional overload…

Things you never intended to give to your family.

My wake up call didn’t come gently.

It came all at once.

I was facing health concerns—high blood pressure, high cholesterol.
I was diagnosed with bipolar II.
I was dealing with family court.
Financial stress.
And then… I became a single mom of two girls.

I had every excuse to put myself last.

And for a while I did.

Until one day, after feeling everything all at once, I made a decision:

This is not who I want to be anymore.

I didn’t just want to survive.

I wanted to show up for myself and for the people I love.

So I started doing something different.

I started dating myself.

Because if I didn’t have someone showing up for me the way I needed…

I was going to do it for myself.

I decided to love myself the same way I so freely loved others.

And I started small.

I bought myself flowers.

Nothing fancy just a simple bouquet of purple carnations from the store.

But I brought them home, put them in a vase, and actually enjoyed them.

That moment?

That was the beginning of me learning how to love myself intentionally.

One thing I had to unlearn was this:

I don’t have to wait for someone else to give me what I need.

And I don’t need excuses for why I can’t show up for myself.

Because let’s be honest…

We’ll say we don’t have time or money but then spend it on things that don’t pour into us at all.

So here’s what I recommend:

Start with your love language.

Figure out what actually makes you feel loved.

Then make a list of things you’d enjoy—no matter how small.

And after that?

Ask yourself what’s stopping you.

Is it time? Money? Guilt?

Whatever it is find a way to work around it.

Not everything has to be big or expensive.

For example:
If you want a five star dining experience but can’t afford it…

Create it at home.

Cook the meal.
Play music.
Light candles.
Dress up if you want to.

Make it an experience.

Because showing up for yourself doesn’t mean changing your life overnight it means adjusting what you already have.

For me, dating myself didn’t stop at flowers.

It grew.

I started working out three times a week—not for perfection, but to feel strong and take care of my body.

I started writing again.

This blog… my book Beautiful Shambles… journaling… reading…

These were things I loved long before life got busy.

And somewhere along the way, I had abandoned them.

Coming back to those things?

That felt like love.

Real love.

And because of that I’ve been able to show up for my kids, my life, and myself better than ever before.

So let me remind you, mama:

You are worth the effort.

Love is a choice.

And choosing to love yourself should be at the top of your list—not the bottom.

Because when you do?

Everything else in your life gets a better version of you.

Here are a few simple ways to start showing up for yourself:

Get closer to God — spend time in the Word, pray, go to church
Learn something new — a skill, a hobby, anything that excites you
Move your body — gym, walks, yoga, Pilates, at-home workouts
Build community — mom groups, Bible studies, book clubs
Go outside — take a walk, breathe, reset
Create something — draw, write, color, DIY
And most importantly… date yourself

Show up for yourself, mama.

You deserve to feel that love too.

— Mariah 💜