Author: Balanced and Becoming

Balanced and Becoming https://chitchatwithmariah.wordpress.com Mariah’s Balanced Life is where motherhood meets healing, growth, and real-life balance. It’s for the woman learning how to pour into her kids without losing herself—choosing peace, purpose, and progress over perfection.

Baptized and Beginning

Leave a comment

I got baptized this past weekend.

Something I honestly never expected to do so soon, but God called me to it quickly and heavily. As I’ve shared before, I made a commitment to become more intentional in many areas of my life, and my faith and relationship with God were at the top of that list.

On my way to church that morning, I had butterflies. Nervousness. A heaviness that made me question for just a moment:

“Am I really supposed to be doing this today?”

As I drove, I prayed.

“Lord, if this is where I’m supposed to be, take these jitters away and give me peace.”

And before I could even say amen, they were gone.

Completely gone.

The nervousness disappeared. The heaviness lifted. My body and mind felt at peace, and excitement took its place.

In that moment, I knew.

I was exactly where I was supposed to be.

I’ve never been so sure of a decision in my life.

I remember looking over at the passenger seat and feeling as if God was sitting right beside me. Not physically, of course, but His presence felt so real that day. It was one of those moments that is difficult to explain unless you’ve experienced it yourself.

I simply knew He was with me.

And that peace carried me through the rest of the day.

Now, before getting baptized, I had heard people talk about what comes after. Friends, church members, and even people on social media would say that once you publicly choose Christ, spiritual battles can feel more intense.

Honestly, I’ve experienced some of that this week.

Not necessarily in dramatic ways, but in the small things and the big things.

The frustrations.

The emotional reactions.

The negative thoughts.

The temptation to complain.

The urge to let my feelings take control.

For me, one of the biggest areas God is working on is my emotional reactions. I have a tendency to respond from how I feel in the moment instead of responding from a place of peace and trust.

And this week, that struggle showed itself.

More than once.

But I’ve also had to remind myself of something important:

Nothing I’m facing is bigger than God.

When I feel overwhelmed, I have to step back, get out of my emotions, and release it to Him.

Because God sees me.

God knows me.

And God isn’t going to allow me to walk through something He won’t equip me to handle.

Living for Christ has been one of the best decisions I’ve made.

And even though I’m only at the beginning of this journey, God’s grace has already changed me.

His love and presence in my life are unlike anything I’ve experienced before.

He’s shown me that some of the ways I was living weren’t aligned with the life He was calling me into. And while I had prayed for change, I wasn’t fully prepared for how quickly He would answer those prayers.

Some things changed almost immediately.

Some people, habits, and situations that I thought would continue on this journey with me didn’t.

At first, that was difficult to understand.

But I’m slowly learning that not everything is meant to walk with us forever.

Some people are assignments.

Some seasons are lessons.

Some experiences exist to teach us something that brings us closer to our purpose.

And while losing certain things can hurt, I’m realizing that God isn’t taking things away to harm me.

He’s making room for what He has planned for me.

Every lesson.

Every closed door.

Every redirection.

Every blessing.

It’s all drawing me closer to the purpose and calling God has for my life.

And honestly, that’s the blessing I sometimes need to remind myself of the most.

This baptism wasn’t the finish line.

It was the beginning.

And for the first time in a long time, I’m excited about where God is leading me.

With love,

Mariah 💜

Shining Light: Lessons from My Daughter

Leave a comment

Mom Monday — Learning From My Daughter’s Light

Something that really touched my heart this week was my daughter asking for a Bible.

Not because I suggested it.

Not because I told her she needed one.

But because she wanted one all on her own.

After church one weekend, she started talking about wanting her own Bible, and watching her pick it out was such a special moment for me. It may seem like a small thing, but as a mom, moments like that speak directly to your heart.

My oldest daughter was actually baptized before I was, and ever since she was little, she has carried a light about her that people naturally gravitate toward.

I see it inside our home.

I see it in how she loves her little sister.

I see it in how she checks on her, plays with her, and wants to be there for her.

Now don’t get me wrong—I never want my oldest to feel like she has to take on a parenting role. That’s not her responsibility.

But she has such a caring heart and naturally shows up for the people she loves.

Watching my girls laugh together, chase each other around the house, and build their own little bond is one of the greatest blessings God has given me.

My youngest absolutely lights up when her big sister comes home.

It’s like her entire mood shifts.

And seeing that makes me realize just how much influence my oldest has on the people around her.

It makes me believe she has such a beautiful future ahead of her.

Outside of our home, I see that same light shining.

Teachers love her.

Friends enjoy being around her.

Adults constantly tell me how respectful, kind, and joyful she is.

My girl has always been a light.

And honestly, I’m not sure I’ve told her that enough.

This week before I left for work, we spent a little time reading Scripture together.

The verse we read was Matthew 5:16:

“In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven.”

After we read it, I told her something I’ve been thinking for a long time.

I told her that her light shines everywhere she goes.

It shines in our home.

It shines at school.

It shines through the way she treats her sister.

It shines through the way she treats other people.

There was more to the conversation, but that’s what I wanted her to remember.

That her kindness matters.

That her presence matters.

That God can use her in ways she doesn’t even realize.

But after reflecting on that conversation, I realized something surprising.

My daughter wasn’t the only one learning that day.

I was too.

Because what she reminded me is that being a light isn’t just something we’re called to encourage in our children.

It’s something we’re called to live ourselves.

I’ve always had a tendency to keep to myself unless someone speaks to me first.

I’ve never been the person who naturally walks into a room and starts conversations.

I stay in my little bubble.

I stay comfortable.

But watching my daughter has challenged me.

She shows up.

She engages.

She makes people feel seen.

And I realized that maybe I need to do more of that too.

Maybe being a light starts with something simple.

Saying hello.

Giving a compliment.

Smiling at a stranger.

Telling someone they have a beautiful spirit.

Because the truth is, we all want to be seen.

Not just for how we look.

But for who we are.

I’ve met people whose presence felt warm, comforting, and uplifting, and I never told them.

Maybe I was caught up in my own thoughts.

Maybe I was nervous.

Maybe I was afraid of how they’d respond.

But what if that small moment could have encouraged them?

What if that was God giving me an opportunity to be a light?

I think part of building community is being willing to put yourself out there.

To connect.

To encourage.

To speak life into others.

And maybe that’s why my daughter has more friends than I do.

She’s already figured out something I’m still learning.

A light isn’t meant to stay hidden.

It’s meant to shine.

With love,

Momma Riah 💜

Abstract watercolor painting with purple, blue, and gold colors blending together

Give Yourself Grace

Leave a comment

Healing has been such an emotional roller coaster for me.

Some days I feel strong, focused, and aligned with God. Other days I find myself missing things I probably shouldn’t, getting stuck in my head, feeling unmotivated, and falling away from the routines I’ve worked so hard to build.

The hardest part has been making sure my thoughts aren’t louder than what God is calling me to do.

And honestly, there are times when that’s been really difficult.

I constantly have to remind myself that God’s way is better than anything I could create on my own.

I truly believe one of the things God has called me to do is share my testimony through writing. Writing has always been a passion of mine, and I’ve noticed something interesting: whenever I pull away from it, I start feeling disconnected. Not just from my purpose, but from God.

Then the guilt starts creeping in.

I convince myself I’m failing.

Failing at my routines.
Failing at my goals.
Failing at becoming the woman I’m trying to be.
Sometimes even failing God.

The truth is, I have a habit of giving up when things aren’t perfect.

If I don’t make it to the gym three times that week, I feel lazy.

If I miss a writing session, I feel like I’m wasting the gift God gave me.

If my emotions get the best of me, I feel like all my progress has disappeared.

Instead of giving myself grace, I retreat.

I lay around.

I scroll endlessly.

I distract myself from the guilt instead of facing it.

And lately, I’ve realized something:

My downfall isn’t failure.

It’s my inability to give myself grace when I fall short of my own expectations.

Because what I consider failure isn’t necessarily what God considers failure.

Sometimes I think God is telling me to be still and reset.

Other times I think He’s calling me to fast, pray, and draw closer to Him instead of focusing on my normal routines.

Maybe success isn’t checking every box on my to-do list.

Maybe success is obedience.

Maybe success is continuing to show up, even imperfectly.

Maybe success is choosing God again and again, even when I feel discouraged.

I’ve spent so much time believing growth had to look perfect that I forgot growth is often messy.

Healing is messy.

Transformation is messy.

Learning to trust God is messy.

And maybe that’s okay.

Because the more I think about it, the more I realize that God isn’t asking me to be perfect.

He’s asking me to be faithful.

To keep showing up.

To keep praying.

To keep writing.

To keep trusting Him, even when I don’t feel like I’m doing enough.

So if there’s one thing I want to remind myself—and anyone else who needs to hear it—it’s this:

Give yourself grace.

God sees the effort.

He sees the prayers no one hears.

He sees the battles no one knows about.

He sees the hard work you’re putting in behind the scenes.

As long as you’re intentional, as long as you’re continuing to seek Him, and as long as you’re not settling into a pattern of defeat, you’re moving forward.

Not perfectly.

But faithfully.

And I truly believe that when you’re walking in the direction God is calling you to go, He gives you peace.

Not because everything is easy.

But because you know you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be.

And sometimes, that peace is the confirmation you’ve been looking for all along.

With love,
Mariah 💜

Mother with two children holding hands walking on beach at sunset

Am I Enough?

Leave a comment

As a single mom, something I wrestle with is this question:

How do I make sure my babies have a strong foundation when God designed fathers to play such an important role in a child’s life?

Even when fathers are involved from separate households, I still find myself wondering if I’m giving my girls everything they need to feel safe, secure, and grounded.

Truthfully, I think part of that struggle comes from my own childhood.

There were cracks in my sense of safety growing up. Not physical safety, but emotional safety. There were moments where things felt uncertain, and because of that, I sometimes question whether I’m showing up the right way for my daughters.

My girls are physically safe.

They are loved.

They are cared for.

They seem emotionally healthy.

But sometimes I still wonder if I’m missing something.

For example, my oldest daughter absolutely hates anything dirty. If something gets on her hands, she’s cleaning it off immediately.

One of her chores is putting away clean dishes and loading dirty dishes into the dishwasher.

Simple enough, right?

Not exactly.

Most days it comes with an attitude.

An eye roll.

A sigh.

A dramatic walk to the kitchen.

A complaint or two.

And every time it happens, I find myself wondering if I’m handling it correctly.

I explain that responsibilities don’t disappear just because we don’t feel like doing them. There are plenty of things I don’t want to do in life, but I still have to show up and fulfill my responsibilities.

Sometimes that conversation ends with a “Yes ma’am.”

Sometimes it ends with tears.

Sometimes it ends with tension.

And afterward, I find myself questioning my leadership.

Am I teaching responsibility?

Or am I missing an opportunity to shape something deeper?

The more I thought about it, the more I realized that maybe my concern isn’t really about the dishes.

Maybe it’s about wanting my daughters to have a stronger foundation than I had.

I want them to know who they are.

I want them to know they belong.

I want them to know they are loved, valued, and capable.

I want them to have the confidence to walk through this world knowing exactly whose they are.

And that’s where I realized something important.

While I can’t provide everything on my own, I don’t have to.

God never asked me to be everything.

He asked me to trust Him.

Because what God can provide for my daughters is greater than what any earthly parent can provide on their own.

His love is constant.

His protection is constant.

His guidance is constant.

And while I may not always have all the answers, I can point my girls toward the One who does.

So maybe the answer isn’t trying to fill every gap perfectly.

Maybe the answer is inviting God into our home more intentionally.

More conversations about faith.

More prayer together.

More teaching them who God says they are.

More reminders that their identity isn’t found in what they do, how they perform, or what other people think.

Their identity is found in Him.

And maybe that’s the strongest foundation I can give them.

Not a perfect mother.

Not a perfect home.

But a home that points them toward a perfect God.

With love,

Momma Riah 💜

Heart-shaped ceramic sculpture with golden repaired cracks on wooden table

Facing Emotional Chaos: Finding Peace Through Surrender

Leave a comment

This week has been very distracting for me.

The loud thoughts have felt stronger than my discipline. Stronger than my focus. In some moments, they’ve even felt louder than God.

I’ve been emotionally reactive, mentally overwhelmed, and honestly struggling to break through the chaos in my mind.

And because of that, the version of myself I’m trying to become suddenly started feeling so far away again.

It started with lustful thoughts.

I would pray, shake them off, and then suddenly here came the memories. Negative emotions. Old wounds. Thoughts I thought I had already moved past.

And I kept asking myself:

“Why does God keep bringing this back up if I’m trying to move forward?”

At first, I felt frustrated.

Why revisit something I no longer wanted? Why allow old emotions to resurface when I’ve been trying so hard to heal?

But after sitting with it, I realized it may be one of two things:

Either God is testing my obedience and surrender…

Or I’m not as healed from certain things as I thought I was.

And honestly?

I think it might be both.

Because this week showed me something important:

Ignoring pain is not the same thing as healing from it.

I thought I had moved on from certain situations, certain people, certain emotions—but really, I had just learned how to mask them.

I pretended they no longer hurt while still reacting emotionally anytime something triggered me.

The anxiety.
The emotional pull.
The attachment to “what it could be.”

All of it showed me there were still wounds underneath the surface.

And I think God has been trying to slow me down long enough for me to finally see that.

Not to shame me.

Not to punish me.

But to heal me properly.

Because the more I surrender things to God, the easier it becomes to truly release them.

Not temporarily.
Not emotionally.
Not halfway.

Completely.

And that’s been hard for me.

Especially when I know something—or someone—isn’t for me, but I still hold onto the hope of what it could become.

That has been a pattern in my life for a long time.

Wanting potential more than reality.

Holding onto people longer than I should.

Confusing emotional attachment with alignment.

But I’m growing.

And growth sometimes looks like realizing you no longer have the capacity to entertain things that are draining your spirit.

This week has shown me there are people I’m outgrowing. Situations I’m outgrowing. Habits I’m outgrowing.

Not because I think I’m better than anyone—but because I can feel God changing what I’m willing to accept.

Things that once felt exciting no longer feel fulfilling.

Things I once tolerated now disturb my peace.

And even though this week has been rough and has exposed many unhealed wounds inside of me, God has also reminded me that my wounds do not define me.

They are part of my story.
Part of my growth.
Part of the journey that is shaping me into someone stronger, wiser, and more aligned with Him.

And maybe the biggest lesson I’m learning right now is this:

Healing requires honesty.

Not pretending.
Not avoiding.
Not masking pain with distractions.

Honesty.

So if there’s one thing I’d remind myself—and anyone else struggling right now—it’s this:

Be honest with God.

Surrender your troubles to Him.

Pray even when you feel distant.
Read the Word even when your mind feels loud.
Stay connected to a community that keeps God at the center.

Because the guidance, wisdom, accountability, and peace that come from that kind of community have been life-changing for me already…

And I’m only getting started.

Hallway with wooden floors and walls leading to a room with armchair, lamp, and bookshelf

Overcoming Professional Rejection: Finding Growth in ‘No’

Leave a comment

When Professional Rejection Feels Personal

After feeling rejection after rejection professionally, discouragement can settle in heavily when it comes to our careers and growth—or the lack of it.

As mothers, I think we sometimes fall into one of two mindsets:

We either become consumed with proving how capable we are outside of motherhood… or we simply show up to work to collect a check and support our children.

And honestly? Whatever you need to do to provide for your babies is okay.

But eventually many of us still feel that tension:
The desire to grow.
The desire to challenge ourselves again.
The desire to pursue something bigger professionally.

And putting yourself out there repeatedly—especially after disappointment—is hard.

Something I had to learn the hard way is that every “no” isn’t necessarily failure. Sometimes it’s God’s way of saying:

  • it’s not for you
  • or it’s simply not for you right now

I started realizing that in some areas, I truly wasn’t ready for the next step because I wasn’t being humble where I already was. I wasn’t applying myself fully. I wasn’t showing up intentionally in my responsibilities, and eventually that became discouraging in itself.

But what about the moments when you are trying?
What about when you are showing up, putting in effort, and still hearing “no”?

Those moments hurt too.

But I’ve also learned that rejection can be redirection.

Every closed door is not the end of your story. Sometimes it’s protection. Sometimes it’s preparation. Sometimes it’s pushing you toward something more aligned with who God is calling you to become.

If we spend all our time dwelling on every door that closes, we can miss the possibility that something better is ahead—something where we don’t lose ourselves trying to prove our worth.

Because our value is not tied to a title.

Our worth is not determined by a position, promotion, or opportunity.

Our worth comes from who God calls us to be and what He calls us to do.

So yes, grieve the “no.”
Feel the disappointment.
Acknowledge the discouragement.

But don’t stay there.

Those “no’s” may be the very thing pushing you closer to your true “yes.”

Mother sitting beside child's bed gently touching sleeping child in a softly lit room

Mom Monday — The Heavy Parts of Single Motherhood

Leave a comment

The uncertainty of daily life as a single mom is when it feels the heaviest.

As moms, we’re usually the first ones to make sacrifices for our children. Majority of the time, when the babies get sick, Momma becomes the nurse too.

This week, my youngest caught a stomach bug that eventually spread to me and my oldest daughter.

And honey…

We were all down bad.

I remember sitting there looking at my babies feeling miserable while also feeling sick myself, and it suddenly hit me:

I’m having to do this alone.

Now granted, there were people who offered to help, and I’m beyond grateful for that because not everyone has support.

But I didn’t want the sickness spreading further, and honestly, I also knew this was one of those moments I would have to learn how to navigate on my own again.

My babies.
My responsibility.

And in that moment, the guilt, sadness, and frustration all had to take a backseat because my girls needed me.

So I pulled it together for them.

I think one of the hardest parts about single motherhood is carrying the emotional weight of always having to figure things out.

Even when you have a village.

Even when people care.

I’m personally someone who struggles with bringing my problems to others, so most of the time I try to handle things in-house first.

Not because I don’t appreciate help…

But because I know ultimately I still have to learn how to navigate life and motherhood when things get hard.

Now that everyone is feeling better again and I can hear my girls laughing and playing together, I feel content.

And honestly?

It made me realize something.

Even in the moments where I feel exhausted, overwhelmed, emotionally drained, or uncertain…

I still got this.

Not perfectly.
Not gracefully every time.
But by the grace of God, I’m getting through it.

Sometimes I think women forget just how capable we truly are.

Or maybe we simply don’t realize it until life forces us into moments we never imagined we could handle.

And somehow…

We still do.

Those babies are fed.
They’re clothed.
They have a roof over their precious heads.
They are loved deeply.

And whether you’re making that happen while working multiple jobs, relying on your village, doing it completely on your own, or simply surviving day by day…

You are doing it, Momma.

So celebrate the little wins.

Celebrate getting everyone through the day.
Celebrate making dinner.
Celebrate surviving the hard weeks.
Celebrate continuing to show up even when you feel exhausted.

Take time for yourself too.

Read a book.
Take a bath.
Go for a walk.
Work out.
Buy yourself something nice.
Sit in silence and breathe.
Pray.
Talk to the Lord.

Because all those little moments of caring for yourself matter too.

And one day, your children will grow up and benefit from all the love, sacrifice, strength, and resilience you poured into them.

And honey…

You helped build that.

With love,
Momma Riah 💜

Seven women sitting in a circle holding hands in a living room with a lit candle and tea cups on the table

Finding Community and Grace in Your Faith Journey

1 Comment

One thing I’ve really been struggling with this week is the guilt that came after falling into temptation.

I feel like it created distance between God and me, and honestly, I’ve been struggling trying to restore that connection.

I kept asking myself:
“How do I get back?”

And one of the biggest things I feel called to do right now is read the book of John so I can truly understand who Jesus is.

Because if I’m honest, I’m a baby Christian.

I know I believe in Him.
I know He was crucified and rose again on the third day.

But outside of that?

I realized I didn’t really know Him the way I wanted to.

So this week, I made a decision.

Instead of sitting in shame and dwelling on my sin, I’m going to read, listen, pray, and intentionally get to know God for myself.

Because even throughout my entire life—through every mistake, every wrong turn, every season where I ignored Him—God has still shown me grace.

And I don’t want to take advantage of that grace anymore.

I want obedience.

I want relationship.

I want understanding.

And while trying to reconnect with God, He also gave me something else this week that I didn’t realize I needed so badly:

community.

I had the opportunity to attend a women’s life group, and honestly, I mostly sat there as a spectator. Quiet. Listening. Taking it all in.

But so many things spoke directly to me.

It reminded me that no matter where someone is in life, no matter their status, success, appearance, or season—we are all carrying something.

Everyone is fighting battles people can’t fully see.

Some of the women talked about longing for partnership.
Some struggled with impatience.
Some wanted career changes.
Some were battling financial stress.
Some wanted the finished product without wanting to go through the process to get there.

And as I listened, I realized…

A lot of those same struggles live inside me too.

That mental battle? Sometimes it’s daily.

But what stood out to me most was this:

Even in their struggles, they found comfort in God and in community.

And I think that’s what touched me the deepest.

Because for the first time in a long time, I felt like I was starting to find my people.

People who are walking with Christ but are still honest about their struggles.

People who are growing, healing, learning, and trying again.

People who make space for grace and accountability at the same time.

And I think finding that kind of community has helped me realize I’m not meant to do this walk alone.

I truly feel like this is only the beginning of something bigger than I can even imagine right now.

A deeper relationship with God.
A stronger version of myself.
A healthier community.
A different kind of life.

And even though I don’t fully know where God is leading me yet…

I trust Him enough to follow.

Hands planting glowing seeds in office floor soil

How I Started Taking My Career Seriously

Leave a comment

My career has always been important to me.

I finally got the opportunity to work in the field I wanted—healthcare corporate—for a company I genuinely admired. At first, I was excited just to be there. I had accomplished something I worked hard for.

But after about a year and a half, something shifted.

I knew my role well enough to feel confident in it, but I also started feeling stuck. I wanted to contribute more. I wanted to grow beyond my current position and make a larger impact on the people and processes connected to the work we do.

So I started applying for other opportunities.

And when rejection after rejection came back, I got discouraged.

When Confidence Turns Into Autopilot

At some point, I started questioning everything.

I remember thinking:
What’s the point?

I had the degrees.
I had a certification that felt valuable and relevant.
On paper, I looked qualified.

So what was I missing?

Honestly, I didn’t know.

And because I didn’t know, I stopped trying as hard as I should have.

For another year and a half, I moved through work on autopilot. I showed up, completed my responsibilities, and did enough to get by—but I wasn’t intentionally growing. Sometimes I even fell short there.

The roles I dreamed about were in supply chain, process improvement, and change management. But the truth was… I wasn’t actively applying those concepts within my current environment.

I wanted growth without fully practicing it where I already was.

The Moment Things Started Changing

What really changed my perspective was unexpectedly simple:

Training new hires.

As I started helping onboard and train others, I realized something uncomfortable—I didn’t like the way I foundational knowledge was being communicated. The training I was giving felt scattered, inconsistent, and difficult to follow.

And honestly, I knew it could be better.

So instead of just noticing the issue and moving on, I started thinking deeper about solutions.

I talked with coworkers, reflected on my own experience when I first started, and began working on the idea of creating a more structured foundational training process for our team.

It’s still a work in progress, but something about that shift reignited me professionally.

For the first time in a long time, I wasn’t just thinking about the next position—I was thinking about how to create value where I already was.

What I Realized

As I started developing ideas and thinking through improvements, I found myself pulling from:

  • previous roles
  • school experiences
  • certifications
  • professional concepts I had learned but never fully applied

And suddenly all the things I thought were “missing” weren’t actually missing at all.

I just wasn’t using them intentionally.

That realization changed everything for me.

Rejection Isn’t Always Redirection—Sometimes It’s Preparation

I used to look at rejection as proof that I wasn’t ready.

Now I look at it differently.

Sometimes rejection reveals where you still need to grow—not just in credentials, but in contribution, initiative, confidence, and application.

Instead of dwelling on the roles I didn’t get, I started asking:

How can I show up differently where I am right now?

 What value can I create today that aligns with where I want to go tomorrow?

That mindset shift helped me stop waiting for growth and start practicing it daily.

Final Thought

If you feel discouraged professionally, don’t let rejection convince you to disconnect from your potential.

Instead:

  • Invest in skills you can apply now
  • Look for opportunities to improve processes around you
  • Contribute beyond your basic responsibilities
  • Practice the mindset and behaviors required for the role you want before you get there

Because sometimes the biggest shift in your career starts when you stop focusing only on the next opportunity… and start becoming intentional where you already are.

Kitchen countertop cluttered with dirty dishes, utensils, and cups with a laundry basket full of clothes on the floor

Mom Monday — The Guilt of “Lazy” Mom Nights

Leave a comment

Something I’ve been struggling with lately is wanting to cook my kids decent meals every single night.

And honestly?

Sometimes I’m just tired.

Like mentally, emotionally, physically… I just do not have the capacity to do it.

For my youngest, it’s a little easier. I can grab those little food trays, season them up a bit, and my baby girl will DEVOUR them. She’s happy, fed, and living her best life.

Now my oldest?

My picky babygirl is a whole different story.

She definitely likes her meals cooked fresh, and lately she has been obsessed with chicken fried rice. I swear it’s her favorite meal right now because I’m making it at least once a week when she comes back from her dad’s house.

But what about those nights when I don’t want to cook?

The nights where I’m like:
“Okay… it’s leftover night.”
Or:
“Find something in the cabinet and heat it up, baby.”

And when those moments happen, I feel guilty.

Not because my kids aren’t taken care of—but because I put pressure on myself to constantly do everything at full capacity.

Meanwhile, I’m still running around getting everyone ready for bed, cleaning up, mentally preparing for the next day, or just trying to take five minutes to reset my own mind.

I be running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to do it all.

I say all this to say:

I am not a perfect, five-star mom.

My kids are loved.
My kids are cared for.
My kids are safe.

But honey… I absolutely have my reset moments.

And truthfully?

Sometimes those moments are necessary so I can show up better the next day.

Do I still feel guilt sometimes? Yes.

But there is nothing in my home that is going to harm my children because I chose rest over cooking a full meal one night.

It just may not be exactly what they wanted that day.

And that’s okay.

I think as moms we try way too hard to be perfect.

But our kids also need to see healthy imperfection.

They need to know it’s okay to slow down sometimes.
It’s okay to rest.
It’s okay to not always operate at 100%.

Life still moves forward.

The house still functions.

And love is still present.

Honestly, I even need that reminder myself.

One thing I do think could help me is prepping little freezer trays of my oldest daughter’s favorite meals for those nights when I truly don’t feel like cooking.

Not because I’m failing…

But because I’m learning how to work with myself instead of constantly running myself into the ground trying to meet unrealistic expectations.

At the end of the day, we love these little gremlins with everything in us.

And sometimes I just have to remind myself:

I am doing my best.

And as long as my girls are happy, healthy, loved, and cared for…

Then I did my job for the day.

With love,
Momma Riah 💜