Faith

If I’m being honest, I feel like God has been redirecting my entire life.

Not in a small way… in a tear-it-down-and-rebuild-it kind of way.

I’ve felt called to share my story to be open, to build community, to speak on the things people don’t always say out loud. I don’t fully know what that looks like yet, but I do know this: obedience comes before clarity.

So I started where I could.

I shared my truth.

And in doing that, I stepped into the beginning of a life that feels different. Fuller. Lighter. More aligned. A life that I now recognize as being shaped by God’s will not just my own.

Because the truth is, before this, my thoughts, my actions, and my decisions were rooted in fear, grief, and pain. I was stuck there longer than I want to admit. It felt like I couldn’t move forward no matter how hard I tried.

But the moment I truly opened my heart to the Lord not halfway, not when it was convenient, but fully everything shifted.

It felt like I was offered a new life.

Now I’m learning to listen. To move when He says move. To trust even when I don’t understand.

And in such a short time, I’ve experienced a level of peace, joy, and clarity that I didn’t even know I was missing.

This season I’m in is not punishment. It’s preparation.

God is teaching me obedience. He’s building me. Positioning me.

I’m not behind. I’m being prepared.

And once I surrendered those heavy things I was carrying, He showed up. Over and over again.

I am blessed.

Healing

Let me be clear I am not fully healed.

My heart still aches sometimes.
My thoughts aren’t always positive.
My body still leans toward comfort over discipline.
I still have moments where I react instead of respond.

But I’m not who I used to be either.

And that matters.

I’m a work in progress and for the first time, I’m okay with that. Because now, I want better for myself. I’m choosing better.

There was a point where I thought my heart was becoming cold from disappointment. But now I see I still have so much love to give. To my kids. To myself. To others even when it’s hard.

And then there was a moment that made me realize just how much had already changed.

I was sitting in my living room, scrolling TikTok, while my girls were in the background laughing, playing, just being kids.

A video came across my feed from a creator I keep seeing the kind that always says something that hits right when you need it. And she was talking about what it feels like when things finally start working out.

And something about that made me pause.

I looked up.

I really looked.

My girls were giggling, completely at peace.
We were in a safe, stable home.
There was no chaos in that moment. No fear. No pressure.

And for the first time in a long time, I felt full.

Not distracted.
Not surviving.
Not just getting through it.

I felt like I was actually loving my life.

And that realization hit me hard.

Because if you would have asked me maybe 20 days before that if I loved my life, I would have said yes without hesitation. I thought what I had was enough. I appreciated it.

But truly loving my life feeling it I didn’t have that.

I loved the people in my life, but I hadn’t learned how to love my own life.

That moment changed something in me.

Not because everything was perfect, but because I was finally present enough to see what God had already done.

That peace I felt, that fullness, that was confirmation.

That I’m on the right path.
That I’m moving toward something greater.
That abundance isn’t just coming it’s already starting.

And all it took was slowing down long enough to hear my girls laugh.

What Healing Looks Like for Me Right Now

Healing didn’t start with a big breakthrough.

It started with a promise to love myself the way I’ve loved others.

So I started showing up for me.

I buy myself flowers because I deserve beauty in my life.
I go to the gym because I want to feel strong and healthy.
I changed my eating habits because what I put in my body matters.
I journal and write because my mind deserves clarity.
I limit mindless scrolling and choose things that feed me instead of drain me.
I speak life over myself and challenge negative thoughts when they come.
I take my medication because my health matters.
I changed what I listen to because what I hear affects my spirit.
I invest in my growth, personally and professionally.
I spend intentional time with my kids creating moments, not just passing time.

And the biggest shift:

I stopped making excuses.

I stopped waiting.

I started living the life I know I deserve.

Growth

Let’s not get it twisted I am not perfect.

I still have a lot to work on. A lot to learn. A lot to unlearn.

But I can see the difference.

And that’s what keeps me going.

In such a short time, my life has become fuller, more intentional, more aligned. And honestly, it makes me wonder why I didn’t start sooner.

But I also know I wasn’t ready then.

Growth requires readiness. And now, I am.

My growth is rooted in two things: my relationship with God and my willingness to understand myself.

I’m learning who I really am.
Not the broken version. Not the survival version.
The whole version.

And she’s still becoming.

I don’t have a perfect picture of the woman I’m growing into yet, but I’m excited to meet her.

Because every day, I’m building her.

Piece by piece.

And I’m grateful because even when I didn’t choose God, He never stopped choosing me.

If you want to go deeper into my journey, I share more in my book Beautiful Shambles, where I open up about the lessons, the breaking points, and the rebuilding.

So stay with me.

Be part of this journey.

We can grow together. Hold each other accountable. Become better together.

Because you deserve peace too.

With love,
Mariah 💜