Month: May 2026

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Facing Emotional Chaos: Finding Peace Through Surrender

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This week has been very distracting for me.

The loud thoughts have felt stronger than my discipline. Stronger than my focus. In some moments, they’ve even felt louder than God.

I’ve been emotionally reactive, mentally overwhelmed, and honestly struggling to break through the chaos in my mind.

And because of that, the version of myself I’m trying to become suddenly started feeling so far away again.

It started with lustful thoughts.

I would pray, shake them off, and then suddenly here came the memories. Negative emotions. Old wounds. Thoughts I thought I had already moved past.

And I kept asking myself:

“Why does God keep bringing this back up if I’m trying to move forward?”

At first, I felt frustrated.

Why revisit something I no longer wanted? Why allow old emotions to resurface when I’ve been trying so hard to heal?

But after sitting with it, I realized it may be one of two things:

Either God is testing my obedience and surrender…

Or I’m not as healed from certain things as I thought I was.

And honestly?

I think it might be both.

Because this week showed me something important:

Ignoring pain is not the same thing as healing from it.

I thought I had moved on from certain situations, certain people, certain emotions—but really, I had just learned how to mask them.

I pretended they no longer hurt while still reacting emotionally anytime something triggered me.

The anxiety.
The emotional pull.
The attachment to “what it could be.”

All of it showed me there were still wounds underneath the surface.

And I think God has been trying to slow me down long enough for me to finally see that.

Not to shame me.

Not to punish me.

But to heal me properly.

Because the more I surrender things to God, the easier it becomes to truly release them.

Not temporarily.
Not emotionally.
Not halfway.

Completely.

And that’s been hard for me.

Especially when I know something—or someone—isn’t for me, but I still hold onto the hope of what it could become.

That has been a pattern in my life for a long time.

Wanting potential more than reality.

Holding onto people longer than I should.

Confusing emotional attachment with alignment.

But I’m growing.

And growth sometimes looks like realizing you no longer have the capacity to entertain things that are draining your spirit.

This week has shown me there are people I’m outgrowing. Situations I’m outgrowing. Habits I’m outgrowing.

Not because I think I’m better than anyone—but because I can feel God changing what I’m willing to accept.

Things that once felt exciting no longer feel fulfilling.

Things I once tolerated now disturb my peace.

And even though this week has been rough and has exposed many unhealed wounds inside of me, God has also reminded me that my wounds do not define me.

They are part of my story.
Part of my growth.
Part of the journey that is shaping me into someone stronger, wiser, and more aligned with Him.

And maybe the biggest lesson I’m learning right now is this:

Healing requires honesty.

Not pretending.
Not avoiding.
Not masking pain with distractions.

Honesty.

So if there’s one thing I’d remind myself—and anyone else struggling right now—it’s this:

Be honest with God.

Surrender your troubles to Him.

Pray even when you feel distant.
Read the Word even when your mind feels loud.
Stay connected to a community that keeps God at the center.

Because the guidance, wisdom, accountability, and peace that come from that kind of community have been life-changing for me already…

And I’m only getting started.

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Overcoming Professional Rejection: Finding Growth in ‘No’

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When Professional Rejection Feels Personal

After feeling rejection after rejection professionally, discouragement can settle in heavily when it comes to our careers and growth—or the lack of it.

As mothers, I think we sometimes fall into one of two mindsets:

We either become consumed with proving how capable we are outside of motherhood… or we simply show up to work to collect a check and support our children.

And honestly? Whatever you need to do to provide for your babies is okay.

But eventually many of us still feel that tension:
The desire to grow.
The desire to challenge ourselves again.
The desire to pursue something bigger professionally.

And putting yourself out there repeatedly—especially after disappointment—is hard.

Something I had to learn the hard way is that every “no” isn’t necessarily failure. Sometimes it’s God’s way of saying:

  • it’s not for you
  • or it’s simply not for you right now

I started realizing that in some areas, I truly wasn’t ready for the next step because I wasn’t being humble where I already was. I wasn’t applying myself fully. I wasn’t showing up intentionally in my responsibilities, and eventually that became discouraging in itself.

But what about the moments when you are trying?
What about when you are showing up, putting in effort, and still hearing “no”?

Those moments hurt too.

But I’ve also learned that rejection can be redirection.

Every closed door is not the end of your story. Sometimes it’s protection. Sometimes it’s preparation. Sometimes it’s pushing you toward something more aligned with who God is calling you to become.

If we spend all our time dwelling on every door that closes, we can miss the possibility that something better is ahead—something where we don’t lose ourselves trying to prove our worth.

Because our value is not tied to a title.

Our worth is not determined by a position, promotion, or opportunity.

Our worth comes from who God calls us to be and what He calls us to do.

So yes, grieve the “no.”
Feel the disappointment.
Acknowledge the discouragement.

But don’t stay there.

Those “no’s” may be the very thing pushing you closer to your true “yes.”

Mother sitting beside child's bed gently touching sleeping child in a softly lit room

Mom Monday — The Heavy Parts of Single Motherhood

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The uncertainty of daily life as a single mom is when it feels the heaviest.

As moms, we’re usually the first ones to make sacrifices for our children. Majority of the time, when the babies get sick, Momma becomes the nurse too.

This week, my youngest caught a stomach bug that eventually spread to me and my oldest daughter.

And honey…

We were all down bad.

I remember sitting there looking at my babies feeling miserable while also feeling sick myself, and it suddenly hit me:

I’m having to do this alone.

Now granted, there were people who offered to help, and I’m beyond grateful for that because not everyone has support.

But I didn’t want the sickness spreading further, and honestly, I also knew this was one of those moments I would have to learn how to navigate on my own again.

My babies.
My responsibility.

And in that moment, the guilt, sadness, and frustration all had to take a backseat because my girls needed me.

So I pulled it together for them.

I think one of the hardest parts about single motherhood is carrying the emotional weight of always having to figure things out.

Even when you have a village.

Even when people care.

I’m personally someone who struggles with bringing my problems to others, so most of the time I try to handle things in-house first.

Not because I don’t appreciate help…

But because I know ultimately I still have to learn how to navigate life and motherhood when things get hard.

Now that everyone is feeling better again and I can hear my girls laughing and playing together, I feel content.

And honestly?

It made me realize something.

Even in the moments where I feel exhausted, overwhelmed, emotionally drained, or uncertain…

I still got this.

Not perfectly.
Not gracefully every time.
But by the grace of God, I’m getting through it.

Sometimes I think women forget just how capable we truly are.

Or maybe we simply don’t realize it until life forces us into moments we never imagined we could handle.

And somehow…

We still do.

Those babies are fed.
They’re clothed.
They have a roof over their precious heads.
They are loved deeply.

And whether you’re making that happen while working multiple jobs, relying on your village, doing it completely on your own, or simply surviving day by day…

You are doing it, Momma.

So celebrate the little wins.

Celebrate getting everyone through the day.
Celebrate making dinner.
Celebrate surviving the hard weeks.
Celebrate continuing to show up even when you feel exhausted.

Take time for yourself too.

Read a book.
Take a bath.
Go for a walk.
Work out.
Buy yourself something nice.
Sit in silence and breathe.
Pray.
Talk to the Lord.

Because all those little moments of caring for yourself matter too.

And one day, your children will grow up and benefit from all the love, sacrifice, strength, and resilience you poured into them.

And honey…

You helped build that.

With love,
Momma Riah 💜

Seven women sitting in a circle holding hands in a living room with a lit candle and tea cups on the table

Finding Community and Grace in Your Faith Journey

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One thing I’ve really been struggling with this week is the guilt that came after falling into temptation.

I feel like it created distance between God and me, and honestly, I’ve been struggling trying to restore that connection.

I kept asking myself:
“How do I get back?”

And one of the biggest things I feel called to do right now is read the book of John so I can truly understand who Jesus is.

Because if I’m honest, I’m a baby Christian.

I know I believe in Him.
I know He was crucified and rose again on the third day.

But outside of that?

I realized I didn’t really know Him the way I wanted to.

So this week, I made a decision.

Instead of sitting in shame and dwelling on my sin, I’m going to read, listen, pray, and intentionally get to know God for myself.

Because even throughout my entire life—through every mistake, every wrong turn, every season where I ignored Him—God has still shown me grace.

And I don’t want to take advantage of that grace anymore.

I want obedience.

I want relationship.

I want understanding.

And while trying to reconnect with God, He also gave me something else this week that I didn’t realize I needed so badly:

community.

I had the opportunity to attend a women’s life group, and honestly, I mostly sat there as a spectator. Quiet. Listening. Taking it all in.

But so many things spoke directly to me.

It reminded me that no matter where someone is in life, no matter their status, success, appearance, or season—we are all carrying something.

Everyone is fighting battles people can’t fully see.

Some of the women talked about longing for partnership.
Some struggled with impatience.
Some wanted career changes.
Some were battling financial stress.
Some wanted the finished product without wanting to go through the process to get there.

And as I listened, I realized…

A lot of those same struggles live inside me too.

That mental battle? Sometimes it’s daily.

But what stood out to me most was this:

Even in their struggles, they found comfort in God and in community.

And I think that’s what touched me the deepest.

Because for the first time in a long time, I felt like I was starting to find my people.

People who are walking with Christ but are still honest about their struggles.

People who are growing, healing, learning, and trying again.

People who make space for grace and accountability at the same time.

And I think finding that kind of community has helped me realize I’m not meant to do this walk alone.

I truly feel like this is only the beginning of something bigger than I can even imagine right now.

A deeper relationship with God.
A stronger version of myself.
A healthier community.
A different kind of life.

And even though I don’t fully know where God is leading me yet…

I trust Him enough to follow.

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How I Started Taking My Career Seriously

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My career has always been important to me.

I finally got the opportunity to work in the field I wanted—healthcare corporate—for a company I genuinely admired. At first, I was excited just to be there. I had accomplished something I worked hard for.

But after about a year and a half, something shifted.

I knew my role well enough to feel confident in it, but I also started feeling stuck. I wanted to contribute more. I wanted to grow beyond my current position and make a larger impact on the people and processes connected to the work we do.

So I started applying for other opportunities.

And when rejection after rejection came back, I got discouraged.

When Confidence Turns Into Autopilot

At some point, I started questioning everything.

I remember thinking:
What’s the point?

I had the degrees.
I had a certification that felt valuable and relevant.
On paper, I looked qualified.

So what was I missing?

Honestly, I didn’t know.

And because I didn’t know, I stopped trying as hard as I should have.

For another year and a half, I moved through work on autopilot. I showed up, completed my responsibilities, and did enough to get by—but I wasn’t intentionally growing. Sometimes I even fell short there.

The roles I dreamed about were in supply chain, process improvement, and change management. But the truth was… I wasn’t actively applying those concepts within my current environment.

I wanted growth without fully practicing it where I already was.

The Moment Things Started Changing

What really changed my perspective was unexpectedly simple:

Training new hires.

As I started helping onboard and train others, I realized something uncomfortable—I didn’t like the way I foundational knowledge was being communicated. The training I was giving felt scattered, inconsistent, and difficult to follow.

And honestly, I knew it could be better.

So instead of just noticing the issue and moving on, I started thinking deeper about solutions.

I talked with coworkers, reflected on my own experience when I first started, and began working on the idea of creating a more structured foundational training process for our team.

It’s still a work in progress, but something about that shift reignited me professionally.

For the first time in a long time, I wasn’t just thinking about the next position—I was thinking about how to create value where I already was.

What I Realized

As I started developing ideas and thinking through improvements, I found myself pulling from:

  • previous roles
  • school experiences
  • certifications
  • professional concepts I had learned but never fully applied

And suddenly all the things I thought were “missing” weren’t actually missing at all.

I just wasn’t using them intentionally.

That realization changed everything for me.

Rejection Isn’t Always Redirection—Sometimes It’s Preparation

I used to look at rejection as proof that I wasn’t ready.

Now I look at it differently.

Sometimes rejection reveals where you still need to grow—not just in credentials, but in contribution, initiative, confidence, and application.

Instead of dwelling on the roles I didn’t get, I started asking:

How can I show up differently where I am right now?

 What value can I create today that aligns with where I want to go tomorrow?

That mindset shift helped me stop waiting for growth and start practicing it daily.

Final Thought

If you feel discouraged professionally, don’t let rejection convince you to disconnect from your potential.

Instead:

  • Invest in skills you can apply now
  • Look for opportunities to improve processes around you
  • Contribute beyond your basic responsibilities
  • Practice the mindset and behaviors required for the role you want before you get there

Because sometimes the biggest shift in your career starts when you stop focusing only on the next opportunity… and start becoming intentional where you already are.

Kitchen countertop cluttered with dirty dishes, utensils, and cups with a laundry basket full of clothes on the floor

Mom Monday — The Guilt of “Lazy” Mom Nights

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Something I’ve been struggling with lately is wanting to cook my kids decent meals every single night.

And honestly?

Sometimes I’m just tired.

Like mentally, emotionally, physically… I just do not have the capacity to do it.

For my youngest, it’s a little easier. I can grab those little food trays, season them up a bit, and my baby girl will DEVOUR them. She’s happy, fed, and living her best life.

Now my oldest?

My picky babygirl is a whole different story.

She definitely likes her meals cooked fresh, and lately she has been obsessed with chicken fried rice. I swear it’s her favorite meal right now because I’m making it at least once a week when she comes back from her dad’s house.

But what about those nights when I don’t want to cook?

The nights where I’m like:
“Okay… it’s leftover night.”
Or:
“Find something in the cabinet and heat it up, baby.”

And when those moments happen, I feel guilty.

Not because my kids aren’t taken care of—but because I put pressure on myself to constantly do everything at full capacity.

Meanwhile, I’m still running around getting everyone ready for bed, cleaning up, mentally preparing for the next day, or just trying to take five minutes to reset my own mind.

I be running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to do it all.

I say all this to say:

I am not a perfect, five-star mom.

My kids are loved.
My kids are cared for.
My kids are safe.

But honey… I absolutely have my reset moments.

And truthfully?

Sometimes those moments are necessary so I can show up better the next day.

Do I still feel guilt sometimes? Yes.

But there is nothing in my home that is going to harm my children because I chose rest over cooking a full meal one night.

It just may not be exactly what they wanted that day.

And that’s okay.

I think as moms we try way too hard to be perfect.

But our kids also need to see healthy imperfection.

They need to know it’s okay to slow down sometimes.
It’s okay to rest.
It’s okay to not always operate at 100%.

Life still moves forward.

The house still functions.

And love is still present.

Honestly, I even need that reminder myself.

One thing I do think could help me is prepping little freezer trays of my oldest daughter’s favorite meals for those nights when I truly don’t feel like cooking.

Not because I’m failing…

But because I’m learning how to work with myself instead of constantly running myself into the ground trying to meet unrealistic expectations.

At the end of the day, we love these little gremlins with everything in us.

And sometimes I just have to remind myself:

I am doing my best.

And as long as my girls are happy, healthy, loved, and cared for…

Then I did my job for the day.

With love,
Momma Riah 💜

Dirt path through grassy meadow with wildflowers at sunrise and mist

Navigating Emotion and Faith in Tough Times

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This week has been rough.

And honestly, I debated even sharing this because vulnerability is easy when you’re winning. It’s harder when you feel like you disappointed yourself… and God.

It started last weekend at my youngest daughter’s first birthday party. A moment that was supposed to be full of happiness because my baby girl is officially one.

And eventually, I got there.

But before I did, I had three separate breakdowns.

Not quiet tears either. I’m talking full boo-hoo ugly crying.

I kept disappearing—going upstairs to my apartment, hiding in the bathroom lobby, trying to pull myself together before anyone noticed. But the truth is, people always notice when your heart is heavy.

A few people checked on me, and I appreciated it, but honestly… I just needed a moment to feel everything.

Because in the middle of celebrating my daughter, I was grieving too.

Grieving the life I thought I would have.
The family dynamic I imagined.
The hurt I still carry.
The reality of being a single mom sometimes.

And it all hit me at once.

But strangely enough, that wasn’t even the hardest part of the week.

The hardest part came after.

After the party, I broke a promise I made not only to myself—but to God.

More than once.

I gave into the wants of my flesh instead of standing firm in what I knew I was being called away from. And since then, it has felt like an emotional battle in every area of my life.

Before that, I felt deeply connected to God.

I felt His presence heavily.

I was at peace.
I had joy.
I felt clarity.
I was showing up better for myself and for others.

And after falling into temptation, it felt like everything became cloudy again.

Confusion came back.
Restlessness came back.
Emotional exhaustion came back.

And I’ve been struggling with the feeling that maybe I don’t deserve to come back to Him.

Like maybe God doesn’t want to hear from me because I knowingly made the wrong choice.

But the beautiful thing about God is that He is not human.

Because if I’m honest? There are moments where I wouldn’t even forgive myself.

Yet somehow, even in my distance, I still feel Him near me.

Not in the same overwhelming way as before—but enough to remind me He never truly left.

And maybe this season isn’t God abandoning me.

Maybe it’s Him allowing me to decide if I will still obey Him when it’s harder. When emotions are louder. When temptation feels stronger. When conviction sets in.

Because over and over again this week, I’ve heard the same messages repeated through friends, family, strangers, my therapist—even random conversations.

“God will not send you who or what you’re supposed to have before you heal and release what’s not for you.”

“God is not a God of confusion. So if confusion is present, maybe that’s your confirmation.”

And those words keep replaying in my mind.

Maybe I don’t just need to hear them.

Maybe I need to finally stand on them.

Because the truth is, I’m not okay right now.

I feel emotionally drained. Confused. Disappointed in myself.

But even through all of that…

I still have hope.

Hope that peace will return.
Hope that healing is still possible.
Hope that God is still guiding me even while I’m struggling.

And maybe growth isn’t about never falling.

Maybe it’s about realizing quicker when you’ve stepped off the path—and choosing to come back anyway.

So that’s what I’m doing.

Coming back.

One prayer at a time.

Glowing green plant sprouting from dry cracked ground with swirling colorful mist around it

Building a Better Routine When Life Feels Chaotic

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There was a point where life felt like nothing but survival mode.

I was doing the bare minimum everywhere—not because I didn’t care, but because I felt stretched thin in every direction. I was working, parenting, handling responsibilities, and constantly reacting to whatever life threw at me next. I told myself I didn’t have time to intentionally grow in other areas of my life.

But honestly? That excuse stopped making sense.

As a single mom working two full-time jobs, I had to realize something important:

I may not control how chaotic life gets, but I can control how intentional I am with the time I do have.

The Truth About “Free Time”

Free time as a working mom almost feels nonexistent.

No matter what shift you work or how organized you try to be, there is always something that needs your attention. Someone needs you. Something needs to get done. And on top of that, most of us are mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausted.

For me, my coping mechanism became scrolling social media anytime I had a moment to breathe.

And while it felt like “rest,” it usually left me feeling worse.

Mindless scrolling turned into mindless snacking.
Mindless snacking turned into laziness.
And suddenly every break became recovery mode instead of an opportunity to pour back into myself.

I wasn’t intentionally growing—I was just trying to get through the day.

The Shift That Changed Everything

Things started changing when I stopped waiting for life to calm down before investing in myself.

I began using my work breaks intentionally.

Instead of spending every free moment scrolling, I started:

  • Listening to professional development podcasts
  • Watching YouTube videos about skills related to future roles I’m interested in
  • Researching certifications and growth opportunities
  • Working on projects that could add value to my team
  • Writing and brainstorming ideas

I separated my daily responsibilities from my future growth goals.

That shift mattered.

Because instead of only surviving my current situation, I started preparing for where I wanted to go next.

Small Steps Still Count

One thing I had to learn was to stop obsessing over the end goal.

I tend to see the bigger picture and want to jump straight there. But growth doesn’t work like that. The journey matters too.

So instead of trying to completely overhaul my life overnight, I made one promise to myself:

At minimum, I would dedicate 30 intentional minutes a day toward becoming a better version of myself.

Some days it looked like studying.
Some days it looked like writing.
Some days it was simply listening to a development video while eating lunch.

But I stayed intentional.

And honestly, even if you only have 15 minutes a day, that still adds up to over 90 hours a year spent investing into yourself.

That matters.

Stop Waiting for Life to Slow Down

Life may never fully calm down.

There will always be responsibilities, stress, exhaustion, and unexpected moments. But if you keep waiting for the “perfect time” to invest in yourself, you may end up waiting forever.

Create intentional moments anyway.

Protect your time.
Protect your growth.
Protect the version of yourself you’re trying to become.

I’m still growing. I’m still learning. I’m still building. But I stopped waiting for life to feel easy before deciding I was worth the effort.

Recommendations for Intentional Growth

  • Search YouTube for skills related to your dream role
  • Invest in learning platforms like Udemy or LinkedIn Learning
  • Read articles, books, and industry content regularly
  • Research your future role and start applying those skills where you are now
  • Use small pockets of time intentionally instead of waiting for large amounts of free time
  • Invest in my development journal on Amazon for professional development

Final Thought

Routine doesn’t remove chaos.

But intentionality helps you grow through it.

And sometimes showing up for yourself consistently in small ways matters more than one big life-changing moment ever will.

Mom Guilt & the Broken Family

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As I lay in bed watching how peacefully my baby girl sleeps, I feel happy and at ease.

But sometimes… that peace gets interrupted by guilt.

If you didn’t know already, I’m a single mom to two beautiful little girls with two different fathers.

And honestly?

That sentence never gets easier to say out loud.

The guilt I was feeling came from the idea that I “picked wrong.” That I chose relationships that didn’t work out the way I once hoped they would.

Now, to be clear, I truly believe co-parenting is what’s best for our situation. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t hard sometimes.

Watching my less-than-one-year-old leave for her dad’s house can feel bittersweet.

Yes, I get a break.

But a huge part of who I am is tied to hearing little feet running around, random giggles, toys all over the floor, and tiny voices yelling “Mommy.”

So when the house gets quiet…

It feels quiet.

I had to remind myself that just because life didn’t turn out exactly how I imagined doesn’t mean it turned out bad.

My girls are happy.

They are loved deeply.

They have what they need and more.

And most importantly, they are able to build relationships with both parents and the people around them who love them.

Honestly, hearing their laughs and seeing their joy helps calm my mind.

It reminds me:
“Okay… maybe I am doing something right.”

Now let me be honest…

Sharing motherhood is hard sometimes.

There are moments where selfishly, I want my babies with me all the time.

But I also know how important it is for children to feel supported, loved, and connected on all sides.

They say it takes a village, and I truly believe that.

Even if the village doesn’t always look how we pictured it.

So how have I started working through the mom guilt?

By realizing I can’t lose myself in motherhood.

In order for me to fully show up for my children, I also have to show up for myself.

And that meant I had to start prioritizing Momma too.

I started taking myself on solo dates.

And since I’m single, I decided to stop waiting for someone else to create experiences for me that I could create for myself.

So now?

I’m doing the things I always wanted someone else to do with me… and honestly, it’s been healing.

Because these moments give me more than just something to do.

They give me:
Peace.
Creativity.
Softness.
Adventure.
Confidence.
Identity outside of motherhood.
And emotional connection with myself.

Solo Date Ideas

Candlelight dinner
Weekend getaway
Spa day
Picnic
Pottery class
Scrapbook night
Art museum or gallery
Cooking class
Stargazing
Jewelry making
At-home sip and paint
Dance class
Aquarium
Fruit picking
Facial appointment
Comedy show
Wine tasting
Opera or play
Yoga class
Tie-dye night
ATV riding
Vision board night
Movie date
Botanical gardens
Farmers market
Horseback riding
Nature journaling walk
Letter writing
Open mic night
Rooftop restaurant or bar
Zoo trip
Zip lining
5K walk or run

These are just a few things that personally bring me joy.

But honestly?

Get to know yourself again.

Try something new just because you can.

Go to community events. Explore local experiences. Find hobbies that make you feel alive outside of just being “Mom.”

And don’t be afraid to ask for help finding ideas either.

Shoot… even ask ChatGPT for recommendations based on your interests.

Some dates can be budget friendly. Some may take planning. But regardless of what it looks like, take that time for yourself, Momma.

You deserve joy too.

And remember:

You are doing better than you think you are.

With love,
Momma Riah 💜

The Night God Answered Me Without Words

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I didn’t expect clarity to come through a dream.

But that’s exactly what happened.

It wasn’t long maybe 15 or 20 minutes but it felt intense. Real. Like I was living inside something bigger than just a dream.

I was in this house.

It was dark. The lighting was off. Everything about it felt wrong heavy, uncomfortable, almost like I wasn’t supposed to be there in the first place.

And then I realized…

I had to get out.

It felt like some kind of test like if I could make it out of the house and reach the street, I would be free.

But I wasn’t alone.

Something was chasing me.

I couldn’t see exactly what it was, but I could feel it. The pressure. The fear. The weight of it getting closer behind me.

So I ran.

Not really knowing where I was going. Just moving, trying to escape.

And in that moment, I did the only thing I knew to do.

I prayed.

“Lord, help me. Guide me out of this.”

And instantly… everything shifted.

It wasn’t loud. It wasn’t dramatic.

But I knew He was there.

I started being guidedwhere to turn, where to go, what to do next.

I ran into a closet… and for a second, I felt stuck.

Like this was it.

Like I had nowhere else to go.

And I could hear whatever was chasing me getting closer.

So I prayed again.

“Lord, please help me get out of here.”

And just like that

A trap door appeared.

I dropped down to the first floor, came out through another closet, ran straight out the front door, and made it to the street.

I was free.

And as I was running, I saw a man outside jumping, celebrating, full of joy.

Like he was rooting for me.

Like he knew I was going to make it.

What It Meant

After I woke up, I couldn’t shake it.

Because not long before that, I had been asking myself a question I didn’t know how to answer:

Why am I a Christian?

I heard it preached in church, and it stuck with me… but I didn’t have my own answer.

Until now.

That house?

That was me.

That was the life I created when I was trying to do everything on my own.
Confused. Chaotic. Dark. Feeling stuck in something I didn’t even recognize anymore.

That thing chasing me?

Fear. Anxiety. My past. The consequences of my own decisions. The weight of everything catching up to me.

Running without direction?

That was me trying to fix my life without God.

But the moment I called on Him

He showed up.

Not by removing me instantly, but by guiding me step by step.

Even when I felt stuck.
Even when I thought I had run out of options.

He made a way that I couldn’t see.

That trap door?

That was God doing what only He can do creating an exit where there wasn’t one.

The street?

Freedom. Peace. Safety. A new beginning.

And the man celebrating?

That was confirmation.

Heaven rooting for me.
God showing me that I was never alone in this.

Why I Choose God

So why am I a Christian?

Not because everything in my life is perfect.

Not because I’ve always done the right thing.

But because even when I didn’t listen…
Even when I didn’t deserve it…

God still guided me.

He didn’t control me. He let me make my own choices.
And yes, I ended up in places I had no business being in.

But He never left.

He stayed close like a father should.

Waiting for me to call on Him.

And when I finally did… He led me out.

That dream showed me something I couldn’t fully put into words before:

With God, there is always a way out.

Not always easy. Not always immediate.
But always possible.

The Vision I’m Walking In Now

I’m a Christian because I want a real relationship with God.

Not surface level. Not just when I need something.

I want to know Him.
Understand Him.
Walk with Him.

Because He has been there for me in ways I didn’t even recognize at the time.

He has blessed me when I didn’t deserve it.
Protected me when I didn’t see it.
Guided me when I didn’t listen.

And now that I do see it…

I can’t unsee it.

I don’t love God for what He can give me.

I love Him for who He has been to me.

A father.

A guide.

A protector.

Something I didn’t always have the best example of but something I now understand through Him.

And now?

I want to live a life that reflects that.

A life that is full.
A life that is aligned.
A life that is different from anything I’ve lived before.

Because I truly believe now

The life I’m stepping into…
is the one He’s been trying to lead me to all along.

And for the first time…

I’m not running from it.

I’m running with Him.