Stuck: When You Know You Need to Change but Don’t Know Where to Start

Lately, I’ve been feeling stuck.

Not stuck because I don’t know what I want out of life.

Not stuck because I don’t recognize the areas where I need to grow.

But stuck because I know exactly what needs my attention, and somehow, the weight of it all has left me feeling like I don’t know where to begin.

My finances.

My relationship.

My mental health.

Being more present for my children.

Taking better care of myself physically.

Becoming more disciplined.

Prioritizing my faith and strengthening my relationship with God.

The list seems never-ending.

And honey, the frustrating part is that I KNOW these things need to change.

I know I need to make better financial decisions.

I know I need to establish healthier routines.

I know I need to stop allowing distractions to consume so much of my time.

Yet somehow, I find myself lying in bed, doomscrolling through social media, avoiding the very things I know would help me move forward.

And then comes the guilt.

Because how can I know what I need to do and still struggle so much with actually doing it?

The Weight of Trying to Fix Everything at Once

One thing I’ve noticed about myself is that when life starts feeling overwhelming, my first instinct is to try to fix everything.

All at once.

I want to get my finances together.

I want to become a better mother and partner.

I want to strengthen my relationship with God.

I want to exercise consistently, read more, write more, and take better care of myself.

I want to become the woman I know I’m capable of being.

And I want to do it all right now.

But the pressure of trying to change every part of my life at the same time has become exhausting.

Instead of making progress, I sometimes find myself doing nothing.

Not because I don’t care.

But because I care about so many things that I don’t know which one deserves my attention first.

And the longer I sit in that feeling, the heavier everything becomes.

It’s almost like I’m standing in the middle of a messy room, staring at everything that needs to be cleaned, but feeling so overwhelmed by the mess that I can’t bring myself to pick up the first thing.

That’s what life has felt like lately.

How Many Times Am I Going to Learn the Same Lesson?

Sometimes I sit down to write, and I wonder if I’m telling y’all the same story over and over again.

Another post about struggling with consistency.

Another post about needing to prioritize God.

Another post about learning discipline.

Another post about feeling overwhelmed.

And honestly, sometimes I get frustrated with myself because I feel like I should have moved past these struggles by now.

But this is where I am.

This is the season I’m living through.

And if I’m going to continue using my writing as a place of honesty, healing, and growth, then I have to be willing to write about the uncomfortable parts too.

Even when they’re repetitive.

Even when I don’t have some beautiful breakthrough to share at the end.

Even when the lesson I’m learning is one I’ve already written about before.

Because maybe recognizing a pattern doesn’t automatically mean I’ve learned how to break it.

And that’s a difficult truth to accept.

I can understand what needs to change and still struggle with changing it.

I can genuinely want better for myself and still make decisions that don’t align with that desire.

I can have faith and still feel overwhelmed.

And I can be growing while still having areas of my life that need serious attention.

The Timeline I Keep Holding Against Myself

I try not to compare my journey to anyone else’s.

I know everybody’s life looks different.

Everybody has their own circumstances, challenges, and lessons to learn.

But if I’m being transparent, there’s one person I constantly compare myself to.

The version of me I thought I would be by now.

I look at my life and think about where I expected to be financially, emotionally, spiritually, and personally.

And sometimes I can’t help but feel like I should be further along.

Especially when I know some of the decisions I’ve made have contributed to the setbacks I’m experiencing.

That’s the part that hurts.

Knowing that certain choices I made have affected the life I’m trying to build.

And while I understand that I can’t go back and change those decisions, I still struggle with accepting the consequences without allowing them to define how I see myself.

I find myself wondering how to get ahead when I feel like I’m still trying to catch up.

How do I build a better future while managing the weight of my past decisions?

How do I forgive myself without avoiding accountability?

How do I stop punishing myself for where I am and start taking responsibility for where I go next?

Those are questions I haven’t completely figured out.

But I’m learning that constantly reminding myself of how far behind I feel isn’t helping me move forward.

It’s just making the journey feel heavier.

When Small Wins Don’t Feel Big Enough

I’ve talked before about celebrating small wins.

And I still believe in doing that.

But can we talk about how difficult it can be to appreciate a small victory when you have so many bigger problems waiting for your attention?

It’s hard to celebrate being consistent with writing when your finances are stressing you out.

It’s hard to feel accomplished after taking a walk when you still have responsibilities you don’t know how you’re going to manage.

It’s hard to recognize progress when the things weighing on your mind seem so much bigger than the steps you’re taking.

Sometimes those small wins feel insignificant compared to everything else.

And I know that’s not necessarily fair to myself.

Because those small decisions matter.

But I’m not going to pretend it’s always easy to recognize their value when I’m overwhelmed.

Maybe that’s another part of this journey I need to work on.

Learning that a small win doesn’t have to solve a big problem to still be worth celebrating.

Maybe I can acknowledge that I have serious things to work through while also recognizing that I did something good for myself today.

Both can be true.

Learning That I Was Never Meant to Do Everything Alone

For a long time, I’ve operated with the mindset that I can figure everything out on my own.

I can handle it.

I’ll find a way.

I’ll make something happen.

And while being independent has helped me survive difficult seasons, I’m beginning to realize that independence can become isolating when I refuse to let anyone support me.

Because the truth is, I don’t have everything figured out.

And I need help.

Not necessarily financial help or someone to come fix my problems for me.

But guidance.

Wisdom.

Encouragement.

Accountability.

Community.

People who can remind me that I’m not the only person trying to navigate difficult seasons.

And one of the biggest blessings I’ve experienced in my faith journey has been finding that kind of community through church.

I’ve met people who have offered encouragement, shared wisdom, prayed with me, and helped me recognize small victories in my life and my family’s life.

People who have shown me kindness without expecting anything in return.

And honestly, that’s been something I’m still learning how to accept.

Why Is It So Hard for Me to Receive Love and Support?

Here’s something I’ve been wrestling with lately.

Sometimes I don’t feel deserving of the support people offer me.

Even when it’s simply an encouraging word.

A prayer.

Someone checking on me.

Someone reminding me that I’m doing better than I think.

I appreciate it, but there’s a part of me that struggles to receive it.

Because in my mind, I still have so much work to do.

So many things to fix.

So many areas where I feel like I’m falling short.

And sometimes I wonder why people continue showing up for me when I don’t even feel like I’m showing up for myself the way I should.

I’ve even found myself pulling away from the very community that has helped me.

Not because they’ve done anything wrong.

But because I don’t always know how to receive the love and encouragement they’re offering.

And that realization has made me think about my relationship with God too.

Because sometimes I approach Him with that same mindset.

Wondering why He continues to show me grace when I keep struggling with some of the same things.

Wondering why He continues to place people in my life who encourage me when I feel like I haven’t done enough to deserve it.

But maybe that’s something I need to understand more deeply about grace.

It’s not something I have to earn by becoming the perfect version of myself first.

Romans 5:8 reminds us that God demonstrated His love for us while we were still sinners.

Not after we got everything right.

Not after we fixed every bad habit.

Not after we became the people we wanted to be.

And maybe I need to stop treating love, support, and community like rewards I can only receive once I’ve gotten my life together.

Maybe they’re part of what helps me get there.

I Don’t Have to Become Everything Overnight

I think one of the biggest sources of pressure in my life right now is the feeling that I need to get everything together immediately.

Because I have children depending on me.

Because I want to be a good partner.

Because I want to grow in my faith.

Because I want financial stability.

Because I want to become a healthier, more disciplined woman.

And because I know the people in my life deserve a version of me who is intentional about how she shows up.

But somewhere along the way, I’ve started treating my growth like a deadline.

As if I have to fix every weakness before I can appreciate anything good about myself.

As if I have to reach a certain point before I deserve peace.

And maybe that’s part of what’s keeping me stuck.

I’m so focused on everything I haven’t accomplished that I struggle to recognize the progress I have made.

I’m so worried about becoming the woman I want to be that I sometimes forget to care for the woman I am right now.

And she needs love too.

She needs patience.

She needs accountability.

She needs rest.

She needs community.

She needs God.

And she needs to stop believing that every part of her life has to be fixed before she can begin moving forward.

Maybe Moving Forward Starts Smaller Than I Think

I wish I could end this post by telling you that I’ve figured everything out.

That my finances are under control.

That my routines are perfect.

That I’m showing up exactly how I want to in every area of my life.

But that’s not my reality right now.

I’m still overwhelmed.

I’m still learning how to manage my time.

I’m still trying to make better decisions.

I’m still figuring out how to accept support without feeling guilty.

And I’m still learning how to surrender the things I can’t control while taking responsibility for the things I can.

But maybe I don’t need to fix everything this week.

Maybe I need to start with one intentional decision.

One prayer.

One financial choice that moves me in a better direction.

One moment of being fully present with my children.

One walk.

One conversation with someone I trust.

One decision to put my phone down and do something that actually contributes to the life I’m trying to build.

And then do it again tomorrow.

Because maybe the way out of this cycle isn’t through one huge transformation.

Maybe it’s through the small decisions I keep making, even when I don’t feel like they’re enough.

I’m Still Here, and I’m Still Trying

If there’s one thing I want to remind myself of in this season, it’s that feeling stuck doesn’t mean I’m incapable of moving forward.

It means I need to figure out what my next step looks like.

And sometimes that next step might be asking for help.

Sometimes it might be admitting that I’ve made a mistake.

Sometimes it might be returning to God after I’ve allowed life to distract me.

And sometimes it might simply be getting out of bed and choosing not to let yesterday’s disappointments determine today’s decisions.

I don’t know how long it’ll take me to reach the place I want to be.

I don’t know exactly what this next chapter will look like.

But I do know that I don’t want to keep allowing the pressure of becoming better to rob me of the opportunity to actually become better.

I want to stop running from the people God has placed in my life.

I want to learn how to receive support.

I want to stop measuring my worth by how much I’ve accomplished.

And I want to give myself the opportunity to grow without constantly reminding myself of how far I still have to go.

Because the truth is, I may not be where I want to be.

And I may not be where I thought I would be.

But I am not beyond change, I am not beyond grace, and I do not have to figure everything out alone.

So for now, I’m choosing to take the next step.

Even if it’s small.

Even if it’s uncomfortable.

Even if I’ve had to take that same step before.

Because I’m realizing that I don’t have to see the entire path to start walking.

With love,

Mariah 💜