There’s something about sitting in a courtroom for a custody hearing that you can’t really prepare for.
It’s heavy.
I remember thinking… how did we get here?
How did communication between two people who share a child end up needing structure from the court system?
Over time, things can shift miscommunication, different perspectives, unresolved issues. And sometimes, the most peaceful way forward is allowing a neutral system to help create clarity.
Not because anyone “wins”… but because the child deserves stability.
Still, that doesn’t make it easy.
Sitting in that courtroom as a parent especially as a mom can feel overwhelming. Even when you have support, even when you have a village… there are moments where it feels like you’re carrying it alone.
And that feeling is real.
In another situation, I’ve also experienced what it looks like to have co-parenting conversations outside of court.
And I’ll be honest there are pros and challenges to both.
When things are handled outside of court, it requires a high level of communication, respect, and a shared focus on the child. When both parents are aligned in that way, it can create flexibility and cooperation that really benefits everyone.
But when that alignment isn’t fully there, structure can become necessary.
And that’s where the court can provide consistency clear expectations, defined schedules, and stability for the child, regardless of emotions.
A personal moment that shifted my perspective:
When I sat down with my youngest daughter’s father to talk through our parenting schedule, I went into the conversation expecting it to be difficult.
There was a moment of tension early on that made me think it could go in that direction.
But before reacting, I took a breath, stayed grounded, and kept the focus on our baby girl.
What I found was that when I approached the conversation with calmness and intention, it shifted everything. We were able to communicate, find common ground, and build a foundation for co-parenting that felt respectful and centered around her.
And I truly believe it can continue that way as long as we both stay focused on making decisions that serve our child first.
Co-parenting works best when the focus shifts from control to the child.
Something I’ve learned through all of this is that co-parenting doesn’t always look the same.
Sometimes it looks like strong teamwork.
And sometimes it looks more like parallel parenting where each parent creates a healthy, stable environment on their own time, in their own space.
And while that may not be the picture we once imagined…
It can still be effective.
It can still be healthy.
And most importantly it can still serve the child well.
So what do you do if you find yourself navigating co-parenting in any form?
My biggest piece of advice is this:
Keep the focus on your child.
Not the past.
Not the disagreements.
Not what the other parent is doing.
Just the child.
There will be moments where emotions come up and that’s natural.
But learning how to process those emotions in a healthy way, without letting them drive your decisions, is what makes the biggest difference.
For me, that looks like praying and releasing what I can’t control, finding healthy outlets to reset emotionally, and intentionally creating positive, loving moments with my kids.
Because at the end of the day…
That’s what they will remember.
I’ve also had to come to terms with something that isn’t always easy to accept:
Sometimes, the family dynamic we once hoped for doesn’t unfold the way we imagined.
And that can be hard.
But what is always within your control is how you show up as a parent.
The love you give.
The stability you create.
The environment you build.
And while you’re doing all of that…
Don’t forget about yourself.
Your healing matters.
Your peace matters.
Your growth matters.
Because the healthier you are emotionally, mentally, spiritually the better you’re able to show up for your children.
So give yourself grace.
Build your support system.
Stay grounded in what truly matters.
And keep showing up with love.
With love
Momma Riah 💜
